A Thousand Tears
by reya-chan
Summary: She cried... she was in pain...She thought it was all an illusion... Until he showed her he could be as human as she was... Oneshot SessKag


I honestly don't know what it is with me and angst stories, but I always need to write them. I don't know why, but sometimes the ideas just come to me. I love putting my readers on an emotional rollercoaster. Anyways, this is my 3rd oneshot, and I hope I'm getting better at writing! Hope you all enjoy it!

**Written**: July 6th 2005

**Edited and Posted**: July 11, 2005

**Summary**: She cried… she was in pain…She thought it was all an illusion… Until he showed her he could be as human as she was… (Oneshot) (Kag/Sess)

**A Thousand Tears**

She cried bitterly at nothing, she cried bitterly at everything. She cried because she had no reason to, but she cried because so many were lost, among them was herself. She let the tears roll down cheeks silently, not a moan or sniffle, not a cry of agony nor a cry of pain was heard.

Only the hum of crickets, and the silent ways of the world around her drove her to teas in such a way. She kept her eyes anywhere but the stars above and the earth below. Meaning she kept staring right ahead.

So tempting to leave the plane of this time, so easy to jump back between worlds, so hard to leave behind a world called home.

She let the tears fall along like rain as she walked slowly, towards what she could not identify. Towards somewhere where her heart wouldn't throb so heavily…

If anyone could understand the breaking sensation ripping through her body, the feeling of being alone, the overwhelming sense of loss and guilt pitted through her body, jolting her with every step. She let another tear fall for the sake of her own loss.

She mentally stopped, but her legs kept walking, her mind froze in fear, but her head still faced forward. Before her, she came upon Goshinboku, the place of forgotten tears, love and life.

She sobbed angrily, glaring at the tree, one of her many troubles. She wanted to tear it down, leave it as nothing. She began to shake, anger, pain and lost guilt ran through her body, tiding her over, wave after wave.

She didn't understand… how could she understand after something like this?

She ran at the tall tree, and banged her tiny wrists against the wide base, crying out in anguish. It wasn't supposed to end like this! She sobbed heavily against the wood, still pounding her wrists in fury.

She sobbed heavily, feeling the energy drain from her body. But she kept at her attempt, wanting the tree to disappear, wanting her pain to go with it.

She gave on final cry as she gave into weakness, and sank to her knees, resting her forehead against the bark. She still let the tears glide down her face, her breaths ragged and quick.

She whispered once her breathing had evened out, "It's not fair. Why, oh why… It shouldn't have ended like that, not that way."

She pounded her now bleeding palm into the tree once more, before she began to sob again, her pain returning, her anger at herself with it. She began to shake again, shivering as well.

It was around midnight, the crescent moon over looking the small village, and the Sacred God Tree itself. She glared at the tree, not lifting her forehead from the base, and began softly, "I don't understand… I just wanted-…"

She stopped herself, now understanding why it sounded so stupid. She sounded childish, wishing and pondering on things as imaginary as they come. Then again, ironically, when she passed through the well, she had believed this had been all a dream too.

"What did you want?"

Her back stiffened, her eyes glazed over with fresh tears, her breathing hitched in her throat. That one question made her seem weak and pathetic.

Not daring to look behind her, shecried again in sorrow.She could hear the footsteps closing in on her, and the sound of the wind blowing with him, although no answer came from his mouth.

A hand was placed on her shoulder, and she trembled all over again, wishing it would stop. She took her forehead off of the tree, and again she wanted to glare at it, but soon, her stupidity came to her. A tree could not make her forget, nor make her pain disappear.

He spoke again, "What is it you wished?"

The pressure on her shoulder increased, but she knew it was all unreal, fake, an illusion made up by her mind. She wanted to believe it was real, she desperately wished he could be too, but in her mind, reality played over and over again.

She began to sob again, upon seeing images of his strewn and broken body laying on the battlefield, the images relentlessly tearing her apart.

The voice spoke again, "Why is it you do not answer me?"

Kagome bitterly laughed, and replied, just to herself more than anyone, "You're not real." She felt another hand slip onto her shoulder, and she cried harder, the swelling of her throat, the stinging of the tears ripping down her flesh, the acid of the pain eating away at her heart.

It was too cruel, the mind games of a miko.

The voice spoke again, "Do I not sound real?"

Kagome straightened, but still refused to look behind her, and replied, knowing her mind and her heart were fooling her once more, "My miko powers have the ability to create illusions, which include sounds."

The voice replied, the same masculine arms that were so familiar to her, encircled her torso, and she could feel the illusion sit behind her, resting his illusionary head against her back, "Do I not feel real?"

Kagome bit back her anger, and replied, tears still rolling down her face, "You are an imposter."

The illusion chuckled, and replied, "No one could imposter This Sesshomaru."

Kagome's heart stopped.

Her breath hitched in her throat, her mind whirling, and her pain engulfing her. She told herself he died, she saw him die on the battlefield… she remembered holding his cool body in her arms, the tears she had spilled onto his features, the blood that covered her clothing…

She pulled away from the embrace, and stood, and replied coolly, "I don't know who you are, but Sesshomaru died. I held his body in my arms… I was the one who cried the thousand tears over him, I was the one who had to be forced away from him…"

She ran her fingers over the tree, the blood running with the movement. She sighed, letting more tears pool in her chocolate brown eyes, and began to walk away. She stopped when the voice talked to her, "You foolish human wench. I did not die… Your miko power and the power of Tensegia saved me."

Kagome partially turned, and replied softly, "I am no powerful miko. I am weak, I am worthless. This is what Sesshomaru told me." The man behind her chuckled again, and replied, "You are a stubborn wench. This Sesshomaru does not mean to say that for you to take it personally. He meant it so that you would work harder. He believed in you all the time. He knew you were powerful."

Kagome showed a hint of a smile, but still the tears leaked through, and the pain still roared through her continuously, "I'm sorry, whoever you are, honest, but any power I hold in my body is not my own, and I don't see how-" She was cut off as she felt herself being whirled around to face none other than Sesshomaru's haori.

Her heart pounded, her heart begged her to believe it was him, her mind told her it wasn't real. It didn't stop there, either. It was only when Sesshomaru's face came into her view that she gasped, and began to cry really, really hard. Her entire body shook, her vision blurred, but his face remained there. His silhouette remained still, and only when she whispered to herself, did she really want to believe it was he, "I can't believe your real. If I can't even believe in myself, how could I believe in an illusion?"

She felt the lips of someone on her face, kissing away all her tears, she tensed, and held still as warm arms encircled her, and pulled her close to whoever was holding her. She kept the tears coming, the thought that this could be Sesshomaru made her cry.

She put her hand, cautiously, up to the mans face that looked so much like her beloved. She whispered, "You can't be real." The man stopped kissing away her tears, and he asked, pulling her into a tighter embrace, "Why not?" Kagome stifled another sob, and admitted, "I'm scared."

The man placed his hands on the small of her back, and said in an unusually calm, but sensitive tone, "Scared of what?" Kagome looked away, up at the moon, and paused. How could she be talking to an illusion?

But she also knew… this felt so real, the touch, the kisses… She said softly, hoping with everything in her heart, that this man was who he claimed he was, "I'm scared that you wouldn't want to be with me. I'm scared that if what you say about my miko powers is true, how come I couldn't save anyone else."

One hand released her from his hold, but he placed it on her face, cupping her cheek slightly, and whispered to her, "You couldn't save anyone else because you have never felt so strongly. I want to be with you, otherwise I wouldn't have come to find you."

Kagome looked up at him this time, seeing the gold eyes. She smiled a watery smile, and sobbed onto his haori, "I… I can't believe… your actually here. I was so lonely and scared."

Sesshomaru hugged her back as tightly, and said into her ear, "I'm here, and wishing you would quit this nonsense."

Kagome snapped back at him, eyes watery still, her tears unable to stop, and asked meekly, "Nonsense? I'm crying over you, because I was… I never got to tell you…" Sesshomaru raised his eyebrow, and a small smile quirked at his lips. He asked, his voice calm, "What is it you wish to tell me?"

Kagome blushed, but looked him in the eye, and whispered, "I love you."

Sesshomaru said nothing, his eyes once gold, now solid and as bright as topaz. Kagome's heart dropped. He didn't feel the same way, he was hiding behind his mask again, and he wasn't in love with her.

Her heart felt even more at odds, and her mind was telling her over and over again, how she knew that he could never love someone like her, never be with a mere mortal. Her heart screamed in agony, shattering into a million pieces, feeling numb and in pain all the same. It didn't make sense to her, her mind screaming at her for being so stupid.

She pulled away from him, and bowed her head, even more tears snaking down her face, and whispered, "It's ok, I understand. You—you don't feel the same way."

She backed away, and turned to run. Before she could help herself, she turned and ran right into InuYasha.

Her eyes filled with water, briefly looked up at him, and blinked, making the river of tears look meek compared to this. She struggled back a sob, before she walked around him, and ran off into the distance, towards the woods, into the blackness of the night.

**XxXxXxX**

InuYasha watched from the sidelines, watching as his brother caressed the girl he knew he loved. He smelled her tears, and had come after her, only to see and smell his brother. He had to see this for himself, knowing that Sesshomaru was dead.

He had seen it himself.

He watched in horror as Kagome had pounded on the Sacred God Tree, drawing blood. He watched Sesshomaru enter the clearing, embrace her, tell her if he felt real, if he sounded real.

InuYasha knew he was real, but Kagome refused to give in. He had known ever since Sesshomaru had died, and the way Kagome responded, that she had loved him. It tore him up inside, stabbed at him, and it hurt him worse to see Kagome in such turmoil.

She refused to see, and Sesshomaru was trying to make her. He kissed away her tears, held her close, and whispered things in her ear. Jealousy came with the rush of other emotions that came to him, but he stood in the shadows, watching as Kagome admitted how she felt about Sesshomaru.

That perhaps stung the most, knowing that she didn't love him, as he loved her, but he stood there anyways, anxious to hear what his brother would reply.

It was then that he locked gazes with Sesshomaru, and his stomach dropped into the pit of his stomach. This wasn't good, not at all.

That was when he heard Kagome's cry. He looked at her, as did Sesshomaru, and to both of their amazements, Kagome backed away from him, and said it was ok… ok that he didn't feel the same.

He decided to make his appearance then, and he didn't expect Kagome to run into him.

When she looked up at him, his heart split in two. He saw the conflicting emotion in her eyes. The pain of being rejected, especially after she had spilled her heart out to a bastard (of which was his opinion) that didn't deserve her love.

He sighed inwardly. He wasn't exactly worthy either.

He watched as she ran off, tears spilling down her already red cheeks, her eyes puffy and swollen. So… he now knew how she looked and felt when she saw him with Kikyo.

Once she was out of earshot, he growled at Sesshomaru. He didn't care that Kagome loved Sesshomaru, not he, but there was no reason on earth that he should reject her.

He growled out, "Why the hell did you do that?"

Sesshomaru glared half-heartedly at his brother, his mind was overloading on Kagome's departure. His heart was tearing apart on the insides, knowing that Kagome thought he didn't love her.

Truth was, is that he loved her more than anything, and the thought of her being hurt by him made him cringe inwardly.

InuYasha asked again, "Why in the seven hells did you do that?"

Sesshomaru still stared at the spot of Kagome's leave, and the empty feeling in his arms, the comforting smell of her disappeared, leaving behind a faint scent, and in it was mixed heavily of salt.

She had cried so much over him, he could smell her all over his clothes when he had awoken, and had followed her deterred scent, to this place. He growled at InuYasha when he saw InuYasha's clawed hand on his chest.

He was surprised InuYasha hadn't drawn his father's fang, but did not regard it for long. The pressure on his chest increased, and when Sesshomaru finally looked down at his brother, he saw pain in his eyes.

He now understood… --InuYasha had loved Kagome as much as he, and because he had hurt her, InuYasha was jumping into her defense. Sesshomaru cried inwardly, the pain knowing Kagome still cried for him made his heart squeeze.

InuYasha said between clenched teeth, "You bastard. She had been crying for you for the past four days, not eating, not drinking, just crying, over your sorry ass. She's been in depression, and she refused to even go back to her own time. Are you aware how badly she's hurting? She won't go back to see her mother, her family! She forced herself to believe you were an illusion, because the pain was too much for her to bear. Thanks to you, the pain has more than increased."

Sesshomaru found it hard to breathe, not because InuYasha was holding his haori in a fist, but because Kagome was in so much pain because of him.

He said, choking back on the tears that he knew should never even be there, "You were standing there."

InuYasha shook with rage. He yelled at Sesshomaru, his haori successfully being ripped in the process, "FUCK IT! Sesshomaru! Do you not realize how fragile she is? DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND? She LOVES you… You should be grateful. It didn't matter that I was there, you should have told her something. Not just glare at the air, making her think that you didn't give a shit. Show a little emotion! We all have a little human in us, we ALL feel. Kagome doesn't want someone who is prideful and arrogant. She wants someone with emotion, and someone who is capable of loving."

Sesshomaru struggled against the emotion havoc that wracked his body. So many conflicting emotion, telling him he shouldn't feel, shouldn't have human weakness and emotion, should chase after Kagome… should go and tell her how much he did love her.

But demon pride got in the way… he couldn't possibly…

InuYasha glared hard at his brother, and said with remorse, "I have no idea what she sees in you. And I don't know what she saw in me either. But she cares about both of us. She loves you, and you throw it back in her face. I'm only going to tell you once, I'm telling you to go after her, because if you don't your going to lose her forever. "

Sesshomaru, his voice now showing every emotion he experienced, gave him away, as he gave out to his love for Kagome, and asked his sibling for help, "What should I do?"

InuYasha said without a second thought, "I only told you once. Go."

Sesshomaru said stubbornly, InuYasha's grip tightening, "What if she doesn't believe me?" InuYasha snorted, and said simply, "Show her."

Sesshomaru argued, "What if she doesn't love me anymore?" InuYasha looked up from the ground, and whispered, "Kagome never forgets... I only told you once. GO!" InuYasha took Sesshomaru's haori and forced him forward.

As Sesshomaru gained his grace, he said as he left the clearing after Kagome, "Perhaps you are right. Perhaps maybe we are all part human. I owe you my thanks."

Sesshomaru still held his emotion, his gratitude towards his hanyou brother. And as Sesshomaru took one glance at InuYasha, he didn't see a hanyou. He saw his brother.

**XxXxXxX**

She didn't make it far before she gave into exhaustion.

All the tears had worn her out; all the pain had drained her soul. She fell to her knees onto the cold bare ground. She whispered to the wind in an attempt to make her soul feel lighter, as if a plea to make the pain bearable, in a poem her mother used to tell her at night,

"_It's a matter of loving between life and death,_

_It's a matter of forgiving, but never forgetting,_

_It's the bad days that make me stronger,_

_It's the weaknesses I have that make me forgiving,_

_It's the rough times that make everyone wiser,_

_It's the rough times that make the rain and thunder._

_It was someone who showed me,_

_To believe in what you can't see,_

_Love when your heart is broken,_

_Hope when your world is ending,_

_Listen when no one talks to you,_

_Fight for what you believe in,_

_Cry until your breathless,_

_Show other's if you can make it… so can they._

_It was someone who showed me life isn't perfect,_

_But to make the best of it._

_I've learned to never regret what I can't change,_

_Or linger where the air is stale._

_Learn to move on,_

_See that it's ok to be weak,_

_And know somewhere, someone_

_Loves you."_

Kagome sighed, and crawled to the nearest tree. She cried again, and whispered, "I've cried until I'm breathless, I've believed, hoped, listened, fought and showed. But I don't think anyone loves me."

She wasn't aware of footsteps, until a quiet, weak voice, said, "Don't ever believe that."

Kagome looked up at the voice, and shrank away into the depth of the tree. Tears lingering, her breath rapid and her heartbeat that matched.

Before her was the demon she thought no one could ever love, and stupidly, she found herself in love with him.

She looked away, unable to meet his eyes.

She blinked rapidly, trying to mentally force the tears back. But what surprised her was what happened next.

Sesshomaru collapsed before her, on his knees, placing his hand son her own, and said weakly, "Kagome, please look at me... Please." Upon hearing the desperate key in his voice, she obliged. She looked at him, and was overwhelmed with the emotion she saw playing in his eyes.

She was surprised she even saw anything there.

He said, desperately, "I'm sorry! I'm sorry I made you cry. I'm sorry I caused your pain…"

And Kagome was speechless, caught up in the moment.

The moon bathed them both in moonlight, despite being sheltered some beneath the trees, and the hum of crickets in the background made a romantic setting. Sesshomaru, who for the first time in his life, let a few tears slip from his eyes, and said hoarsely, "For you, I will be weak. For you, I will shed tears when no demon should. For you, I will be human."

Kagome sobbed and broke out into more tears when she saw Sesshomaru's. She wiped his away, and said, her feelings gratifying and beautiful, "I love you more than anything." Tears slipped down her eyes, and he wiped them away. But upon seeing her tears, he let some slide down his creamy skin.

Kagome said softly, between the sobs, "You shouldn't cry over me." Sesshomaru blinked, letting tow more tears fall. His eyes were soft and understanding, and she felt more hot tears sting her eyes, he whispered, "Nonsense. Kagome, I love you. More so than any other being on this Earth. I will cry if you wish it of me, I will love you until forever, and I will never, ever see you cry without me."

Kagome smiled and got out of her hollow of the tree. She whispered, "And I will grant any wish that you ask of me." She held her arms open, and he embraced her so tight, she thought she could have died on the impact. She had never been happier to be in someone's arms than she was, and it felt so right. She cried into his shoulder, all the remanants of the pain she had ever felt, was being shed now.

She also felt tears on her shoulder, and with a small smile, she realized, Sesshomaru was trying to be human, just for her. He released his pain, and as she quit crying, he continued.

Kagome knew how hard it must have been to hold in every bit of pain you had ever experienced, and keep it inside for so long, so she let him silently let the tears drop onto her shoulder, and took in every moment, because she knew he would never likely be this open ever again.

It was so shocking to see Sesshomaru cry, it was almost magical. It was so out of character, so not like his usual calm self. Never in a million years would Kagome ever think Sesshomaru would cry, but he did, and because of that he would feel better, as would she.

Once he had quit crying, they stayed like that for a long time, just holding each other. Kagome sighed with relief and compassion, feeling whole and complete. She felt Sesshomaru release his grip on her, so she released him as well.

He pulled her back, but he asked, "Do you mean you would grant any wish of mine?" Kagome smiled, as one last tear slipped down her face, just because of his beautifulness, just because he asked her, not commanded her. She nodded her head, not trusting her voice.

He cocked his head to the side, "Would you let me kiss you?"

Kagome's heart sped up, and her she broke out into smile. Never had anyone asked her if they could kiss her. Then again, she had only ever kidded InuYasha that one time. But she nodded her head, and he swept her into his arms once more, and laid sweet butterfly kisses on her lips.

She smiled, as he teased her, and gently and slowly kissed her. She kissed him back softly, and as he kissed her more passionately, she responded back just as fierce.

**XxXxXxX**

Kagome woke up in a cold sweat, looking over her surroundings. She looked over the small camp of InuYasha, Sango, Miroku, Shippo, Kirara and herself. She sighed, and looked around again for her beloved.

Not seeing him, or any traces of him, she double checked just to make sure.

She looked up at the tree, and noticed InuYasha was looking at her. She asked softly, knowing he could hear her, "Where did Sesshomaru go?"

InuYasha frowned, and said, "He died, don't you remember?"

Kagome's heart shattered. She looked down at her arms and hands, and still saw the remaining parts of blood that she hadn't washed off.

His resurrection, his confession of love… it was all a big dream?

**XxXxXxX**

* * *

I am so mean for doing that, I realize, but I mean, Sesshomaru wouldn't cry, not in a lot of years. Not until Rin softened him up a little bit more. Sorry about that…. Ehhheheh….

I hope you at least liked it, and if you did, could you pretty please drop a review?

Much appreciated.

As Always,

_**secretshadows**_


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